As I sit back on the train during my daily commute, I continually stare out of the window at the green fields that unwaveringly rush past the window. I wonder what England will look like after spending 4 months in the dramatically different landscapes of South America. One month from today I will be flying across the world and I can't really begin to contemplate how amazingly different it's not only going to be from England, but from Europe and the culture that I've always been in. Only today has the realisation and beginnings of anxiety actually start to set in, as things such as finishing work (next week!!) vaccinations and attempting and failing (I an sooooooo annoyed) to cancel gym memberships become reality.

Friday evening and the rest of the weekend sees me meeting my fellow "adventurers" who I will be spending the next third of my year with (eek!) Bit nervous, bit excited but I'm pretty confident that they will all be lovely, interesting people. All i can think about is my forthcoming trip, even though i can't actually visualise 4 whole months of my life being away from everyone and everything that I know and love. I can't plan anything for this huge gap in my year, and I'm going to miss events such as my little sister's 18th birthday and the humongous party she's having in a really great restaurant. 4 weeks to go and that seems like a long time still.. ah well i have a lot of bikini shopping to pack in before then... hee hee.

Returning from sunny switzerland to a surprisingly sunny england!! very shocked, not least at the absence of a tanned face, i was skiing for an entire week and yet my face still looks as white and pasty as ever. i'm defo going to miss speeding down mountains in the glorious sunshine with the glorious snowboarders, but i am not going to miss the food!! definitely not my thing.. weird fried potatoes with a fried egg, ham and a lump of bread was my swiss experiment on arrival which just sat like stodge in my stomach for the next 12 hours. i managed to find plenty of nice salads, helped along with plenty of my sister's plate of chips. im sure that my top class skiing (ha ha) didn't quite burn off the four course meals that the hotel gave us every night though.

managed to stupidly burn a quarter of each arm yesterday, as i decided that due to the amazing weather i would ski in a T-shirt. extreme demonstration of the importance of sun cream on the slopes; i completely forgot about my arms... very very big mistake! celebrated our last day achievement of completing our first black run as a family (we are all now more or less competent on a steep slope) with yummy alcohol. strawberry cocktails and tequila slammers later and me and my sis staggered giggling up the icy slope to our hotel.

It's official.. as of today, i am..... without chocolate!! well for the next 40 days and nights (strictly a little longer till easter??!! can someone explain why??) anyways, after polishing off a yummy scrumptious chocolate and banana pancake yesterday evening, I decided that I should take hold of my recent chocolate addiction. see I think that's what it's actually become.. an addiction, whether physically or emotionally i don't know. i thought it was the latter because i didn't think you could get physically hooked on chocolate but someone told me otherwise today.

so at the end of day one 'sans chocolate' i report that it actually hasn't been too bad, i don't know if this was because it wasn't a particularly disastrous day, i tend to desperately crave chocolate in dire situations (or any resembling anything close!), so i guess maybe it's an emotional thing. my other reason for this chocolate sacrifice is that it's my only really bad food (the others being drinks; coffee and alcohol) and that if i'm not allowed it i may lose a bit of my fat weight and get flawless, glowing skin (ha ha, i'll keep you posted on these unrealistic thoughts).

However, I am going skiing on saturday, for a week in switzerland with the folks!! hurrah!! am looking forward to much fresh air in the mountains with much alcohol to soak it all up at night. Being stuck at the top of a snowy mountain, late in the afternoon, with no energy left in your legs to get you to the bottom and feeling completely drained of energy....sometimes... requires a little bit of chocolate, very yummy swiss chocolate of course. i do feel however that this may be my downfall. only time will tell...

last sunday did not see one of my lazy days; lying in bed till midday, eating a huge roast and chilling on the sofa watching sex and the city... nope, last sunday i climbed Snowdon! i know.. wth?! i spent all day with my dad, my dog, a rucksack of tuna sandwiches and soup and a humongous mountain. actually found it extremely exhilarating and despite my red, wind-torn skin and unbelievably painful legs for the next 3 days it put me in a really good, happy mood and increased my confidence about my fitness levels. couldn't believe how many little children and little dogs we met half-way up, put me to shame!

after a short gym sesh on tuesday (legs still sore, couldn't move very much) i trammed it, or at least tried to as i got on the wrong one, to meet my family. after rapid pizza express munching, we watched stomp at the theatre, which was wonderfully funny and entertaining. don't think i found it as wildly funny as one woman sitting near me however, who let out high-pitched squeals and giggles at quiet sections of the show. my amusement slowly degenerated to annoyance and finally to amazement about how anyone could repeatedly and knowingly make such weird embarrassing noises in public.

got home tonight and immediately got changed into my comfy trousers to settle on the sofa for a lovely night in, after yet another gym workout yesterday. my tired, achy body is craving comfy trousers as much as i craved chocolate after work.

a week since my last post has seen much of the usual; more training, more restaurants and more lovely drinks. kept to my promise and climbed up a small hill with the father and dog, keeping snug in my cute grey baker boy hat i got for christmas and one of my sister's "band hoodies". decided i defo needed new walking boots as staying warm round the fire whilst camping last year has caused the rubber to melt and fall apart... hence wet feet. so monday saw me on a cheap walking boot hunt around manchester. cheap walking boots however, not a cheap hunt as i had to stop for yummy cappaccinos while i finished my book and hid from the windy horrendous rain which succeeded in breaking my umbrella before i reached my last spanish lesson of my course. tuesday... massive gym workout, did all the usual cardio, then decided i had time to kill and went to an 'urban funk' dance class. on my way to a celebratory meal with my spanish classmates at a brazilian restaurant, had a spare half hour so thought i would grab a lil glass of wine. easier said than done as i battled against the weather, certain that my black eye makeup was currently running down my face, and that my curls which i had carefully created, were now a windswept mess of tangles. arrived in a bar to get my wine, red in the face, and asked the nearest person if my face was covered in black. obviously didn't decide on my person of choice carefully enough, as this was answered with "of course not..you have the face of an angel" by some drunken, sleazy old man...dear lord..why me?! with a fleeting grimace, whilst the bar staff were glancing at me pityingly, i slunk off to my sad little corner with my sad little glass of white wine, in the knowledge that i was never going to find a hot young guy and that only sleazy old men are interested in me!!

wednesday night, well and wednesday day, and i literally could not move, stupid lovely gym guys who convinced me that dance class after full workout would be a good idea. was lay on the sofa watching sex and the city with my head, and collar bone and arm and back and every other inconceivable place making me wince with pain whenever i moved. so after all this gyming and my best friend coming home from university for the weekend, on thursday we headed out, with my sister, to a traditional little greek restaurant to gorge ourselves on a mountainous banquet of meze. i being nominated as the designated driver (well i nominated myself after too much alcohol at the brazilian affair on tuesday) sat back with a tiny, winy, miniscule glass of red, whilst my sister and my best friend managed to polish off two bottles of house red between them?! no more said...

friday and well it was friday = five o clock, two for one bellinis at my favourite after work bar, followed by a bit of naughty shopping. got home to gorgeous three course meal with the rents with a bottle of white italian wine we brought back from venice in october. finished my week in the best possible way.. best friend, bottle of red and dvd box set of sex and the city.

went shopping with mum today, supposedly for the ingredients for my lemon pud im cooking tonight. however... as we neared our favourite boutique (actually the only single place that offers nice clothes in a twenty mile radius of our home) we slowed down, our eyes lingering, hypnotized on the huge 50% (AND MORE!!) sale sign in the window. now i have never ever known anywhere as nice as this shop that does as amazing sales as here... today (yes we eventually surrendered to our cravings) i bought a pair of wonderfully stretchy black skinny jeans (size 9?! hurrah) that were armani reduced from £175 to £40!!!!!!!!!!! i mean come on......

so on leaving with new ted baker shorts and the skinny jeans i realised my recent problems caused by my chocolate gorging addiction and resulting tight trousers has been due to my will power in another department...SHOPPING! for the past 6 months i have battled one of my worst addictions and feel good pick me ups, in order to save money for my travels. although my bank liked this, my waistline has not and instead of that pair of heels after work (or what used to be college) to cheer me up has turned into a few choccies from thortons. so walking the streets swinging my sale bag of lovely new clothes (hee hee i know how cheesy) i felt soooo happy and now need to not binge even one tiny bit if i want to still fit in my new skinnies.

decided to take the father and the dog for a very very long walk up some kind of hill tomorrow as i have the entire weekend off work (woop!) whether this foul weather is present or not, in "training" for future mountains on my travels. problems in my upped training however is my thighs + skinny jeans. yesterday got on the treadmill after work and managed to pound my way through 40 minutes and 6 1/2 km again... feeling really good afterwards and healthy and fit. however, as my thighs are gaining muscle and consequently struggling to fit into what used to be lovely snug trousers (so it's not just the chocolate). i wish there was some way to have strong muscles but small; quality not quantity lol. my thoughts are however, that at least they are firm and don't wibble like fat flabby thighs and plus, nothing will beat the view from the top of a huge Andes mountain will it?

I am at the height of laziness this morning, guiltily watching christina aguilarila (what the hell?!) in bed with my computer perched on my lap... verrrry cosy. this however is exactly where i have wanted to be all week, as I braved the cold weather and early mornings, greatly helped along with my new, extremely warm sheepskin mittens, which totally cause me to be able to do absolutely nothing. very good workout yesterday after work, defo getting fitter, vitally important for those mountains i'm going attempt when i go traveling. its true to know when they say it releases those hormones like chocolate, i really did feel very happy and content afterwards. content enough to head out for many a cosmopolitan and scrummy sweet shooters, which always cause no end of hilariousity whilst trying to avoid spilling baileys on my favourite pink pashmina.

arrived at my fridge door around midnight after luckily not falling asleep on the last train home again (see rather unlucky events in previous blogs). was greeted with yummy salad my mum had thoughtfully saved for me, which i quickly devoured having not eaten anything all day but happily put away a days calorie intake of cocktails. then i found that lemon cake from the other day mmmmmmm...............

very happy twenty four hours, possibly due to early finishes at work, which enabled me to chill for hours with my book in a quirky hippy cafe, munching cheap vegan food. so yesterday, with a full (but healthy...) stomach, i made my way to spanish where Hurrah! hot guy was back. hid from the rain under my new fluffy grey hat as i trudged through the manchester shops, finally spending my christmas voucher on a new bag, kinda beachy and summery but i like it and who knows it may attempt to cheer up the weather as well as me.

continued the healthy theme today with two meals consisting of soup?! and vegetarian soup! i know?! actually come to think of it, the majority of my nutrition intake today consisted of liquidised substances, not just soup but yummy yummy blueberry smoothies at work. the latter was mainly to calm my nerves against crazy ladies in strange hats. so after all my healthiness, i indulged in the most gorgeous lemon cake my mum made, so fresh it was still warm and gooey. so after my luscious lemoniness and my jab against nasty diseases at the doctors, im snuggled in front of the sofa with good old hollyoaks. xx

i brought back from venice and finally cooked the most magical, fantastical, multicoloured pasta I've ever seen in my life yesterday evening for best mate and parents (all of whom provide much loved relaxed entertainment around the dinnertable) back to the pasta.... which was described with no stretch of the imagination - picture thick, stripy, zig-zaggy edged, orange, yellow, green and orange and black pasta... i no.. WOW!! never mind the taste, i managed to stun the folks as they sat gazing at this mound of unbelievably, weirdly stylish food lying on their plate. and yeah... the taste was ok.. i pride myself in finding outrageously coloured food rather than the cooking of it though hee hee.

I've not written in ages, particularly over christmas.. really missed it actually.. and you've all missed out on my wonderful christmas festivities. not really felt up to writing actually.. probably due to a total overindulgence in vodka/cranberries (my winter concoction) On the same theme, many a cosmopolitan followed, as well as the usual; red wine, mulled wine etc etc. to attempt to restore my brain to any kind of functioning form, i gorged myself on chocolate in the days in between the nights out, which seemed to be every other day. so as you can see.. got into a kind of pattern; terribly drunken but wonderful nights out involving lots of cranberry juice and (cough cough) more vodka, school girl costumes and gay bars with gay friends (not so much moi being in this camp), followed by lazy day recovering the following 24 hours, with the sofa, my new sex and the city box set and the mountainous boxes of christmas chocolates that have seemed to taken up residence in our house.

no idea how i attempted to go to work in any days over christmas, although i did seem to occupy the building at certain times.. quite sure my brain was definitely elsewhere. what else... very funny incident involving a family boxing day dinner with lots of the family, including a cousin who I last (embarrassingly) saw in a club in London (see woo hoo cocktail induced blog). more embarrassing family moments included turning up to a gorgeous sushi restaurant, where my sister is holding her 18th party, (very hehe) slightly tipsy from drinking straight after work on an empty stomach, wearing my good old trilbry, blue shoe boots and flirting with an extremely tall, cute waiter. decided post work vodka, plus wine to wash down the sushi wasn't enough and proceeded into town to dance to old tunes with my friend and very very cute guy.

decided not to partake in new year's resolutions this year.. in the full knowledge that i definitely definitely should! thought about what I should give up; alcohol, coffee, chocolate, late nights etc. decided that i quite like (well more than quite) all the latter and that in no way did i want to deprive myself of these necessities... so im not doing Happy New Year! xx

Britain's train system is slowly and surely trying to emotionally kill me!! actually i'll probably die sooner from pneumonia due to the ridiculous amount of time they leave me standing in the cold. Yesterday after a long and lovely day of shopping (in killer high-heeled boots may i add) my mum and I attempted to get home... but no the train demons were against us. After missing one train we decided a necessary glass of wine was in order, the next train didn't stop at our station as it usually does, so we finally (an hour later) boarded our train. But no... after fifteen minutes our journey, happiness and warmth ended with one of those terrible announcements telling you the next stop is your last!!.... and so we disembarked onto a cold, empty platform, miles and miles from our house at 9 in the evening, when we would be much rather sat at home contemplating our day's purchases over pizza and wine. after waiting in the cold for what seemed like forever, i found myself going a little crazy from the artic temperatures and started mumbling about making my own mulled wine, if we ever made it to the sanctuary of our kitchen, as i was hopping around rubbing my legs together for warmth, which im sure looked like i needed the toilet. after an hour long bus journey with screaming teens playing hard core trance music on their mobiles, we FINALLY got home and i grabbed the bottle of red to start attempting my mulled wine hee hee hee...

so as you can guess, i was not best pleased with trains. but oh no.... nothing could prepare me for the onset slaughter of what the trains were going to do to me this morning! woke up to the online news (i know im extremely sad and check my trains) that there was no first train for me to get to work. then attempted to drive to another station.. got lost.. drove around then ran around like a lunatic trying to find it.. got some strange looks.. missed the train.. got another train.. it stopped randomly 5 minutes from work and wouldn't proceed for half an hour.. considerate (cough) train people left the doors of the train open for the 30 minutes so i fretted and freezed and tried to call work telling them i'd be late and wouldn't know if i'd actually arrived anytime in the next 24 hours unless i could get off the stupid train. arrived at work finnnallllyyy very very late, resembled a frozen snowmen with a bright red nose, out of breath from hurrying from the train station. i stood around with a cup of tea and my back against the oven for the majority of the day, attempting to get some circulation back into my poor body.

i think, contemplating my last three days of serious low body temperatures and horrendous, traumatising train journeys (or lack of journeying) i think i have reached the conclusion that alcohol is the answer! On friday i braved the chill outside with sangria and cava at my spanish party and after finding out my train wasn't for half hour, chose a cosmopolitan in a packed out bar rather than waiting in the cold. as i said, last night saw glasses of white as i propped up my high-heeled, weary legs at the bar and dreamt of homemade mulled wine. so now that im home from my horrible horrible day, im warming myself up with red wine, my lovely friend, a christmas tree to decorate and a roast dinner on its way.....